Selecting the death, God shrieks.

So I was doing some cleaning a few days ago and came across this poem that I had transcribed from a movie. The movie was about a group of inner city high school students troubled lives. They put on a talent competition. In it – some of the students recite a poem, which must have struck me as meaningful, because I copied it down and typed it out. I was going through some old papers and found it (dot matrix printout… kinda weird looking!).

If anyone can think of the name of the movie, I would like to know. It was from about 1989-91ish.

Anyhow... here is the poem.

Selecting the death,
God shrieks.
The battered child.
Someone else yelps for mother in the middle of the storm.

The palm readers pulled down their shades today.
The children held out their hands,
Feeling for the rain.
No lifelines on those palms,
Just smooth, unmarred, shiny skin.
Like pearls, or wax.

A pigeon ate a man’s heart today,
And the sun rose miles of half-dead shellfish.
With crazy stalked eyes,
Piled knee-deep on the avenue.
Today.

A blind beggar died today,
And a pigeon ate his heart.
The birds are flying into buildings today.
That’s today, today, today, today!

Someone else yelps for mother in the middle of the storm.
“Ma…”
A lonely apartment silenced.
You remember the roar of the dinosaur?
The woman’s Scotty craps on the floor.
Bad Scotty, bad.
Oh, the woman so sad.
She washes her hands, and then waits by the door.
Today, yeah today!

I heard a French prophet say,
There will be “Ah”
And there will be “Ay”
And he predicted it exactly to the day.
Today that is. Today!
How did he know?
What did he say?
Why did he give it all away?

The whole sky is an orange moon.
Blood swells the veins.
Rush of the river,
Bursting out of its bed.
Kind of familiar thinks sweep by at fantastic speeds.
Was that a chair?
Or was that an ice cream parlor?

Selecting the death,
The child whimpers,
The battered God.
Someone else yelps for her mother.
“Mother, are you here today?”
“Mother, do you care today?”
“Mother, is today the day?”
“Or was that yesterday, when we had that terrible storm?”

doctors appointments....

So I had my specialist appointment the other day. Of course my knees are currently just fine, so he really had nothing interesting to recommend. The main reason I kept my appointment was to find out about whether he suggests I run a triathlon next year. He said if I was to lose about 40 lbs he thinks maybe it would be ok, but said I should not run because it puts too much stress on my knee joints.

Bummer. I am going to do it anyway. I figure that I will train at the gym, swimming, weights, exercise bikes, and elliptical machines and stuff, when the summer comes I will ride a (real) bike, and not actually run until the day of the event. I know that would mean I might not be able to do it (the running part), but I will give I my best shot! My wife a while ago said she would train with me for it too. She isn’t putting much effort forth to work out much. That bothers me a little. Part of me wants a partner to train with, to push each other harder, on the other hand – if I push her too hard she would just say “forget it.” So I don’t know if she would be the ideal training partner. The other aspect is that it is kinda hard to schedule training together because of the kids – the eldest can look after himself… but the 5 year old…..
Anyone out there need a training partner? Haha.

On a similar note, I had a family doctor’s appointment the other day also. Doc wants me to come in every three months to get my blood pressure checked. A year or so ago it was getting close to almost high. Three months ago it was 132/82 – which is good. This time – 128/82 WOW!! Yeah baby!!!!!! My goal next time is to get just a little better even.

I haven’t really dropped much weight since I started working out about a year ago. Only about 8 pounds or so overall. I have lost a few inches (2 pant sizes) and have a lot more muscle mass, but I am still not too happy about the stomach. I still would like to lose it. I am not frustrated yet though, I am not about to give up.

OK. I got some work to do before I can catch the last period of the hockey game.

Till we meet again!

It has been a while....

Wow… it has been almost 3 months since my last entry. Where to begin……

My knees are feeling much better these days. I don’t know what happened to them, but I am back to working out regularly. My family joined the YMCA, so I try to get out at least 3 days a week. The youngest has swimming lessons, so that gives an opportunity for both wife and I go have a short workout one day during the week. I am actually off in a few minutes for a swim with the kids.

Funny thing about my knees though. Originally when I injured myself in July, it was my right knee that hurt. After a while it seemed to get better, but my left one hurt (really bad). Then they would alternate back and forth for a bit, the discomfort getting less and less. Go figure. Now they are pretty much back to normal. During the last few weeks there has been a lot of rain and they have been aching a little, but nothing like before. I have that appointment with my specialist next week, and I am going to ask for an MRI just to make sure there isn’t anything seriously wrong. I know it may take a while, I am willing to wait. I also want to make sure that it is ok to plan to run the triathlon next year without doing any long term damage.

On a totally separate note - I had my class reunion last weekend. It was fun. It had been 14 years since I had seen many of the people I saw on Saturday. I am also quite glad it is over. I was kind of the head of the organizing committee for the event and it was a lot of work. We owe a debt of gratitude for one of our alumni, who was our audio-visual man for the event. He has his own business (www.odc-av.com) and supplied all the equipment for music and powerpoint presentation. He prepared the show also and it was absolutely AMAZING! We have our own reunion website with a guestbook (not going to give that out – sorry), and I have been raving about Nick’s abilities and help – but no matter what I say it will never be enough. If anyone out there ever needs any sort of audio visual stuff done for an event or the company, I encourage you to seek him out. Apparently he travels all over Canada and the US for shows.

The event itself took 10 months to plan. It seemed that nothing really got done before the last 2 months though. Most of the time was taken calling people and finding our alumni. We had about 150 people in our graduating class, and I think about 40 people (alumni) showed up at the reunion. I was a little disappointed, but we had fun nonetheless. I was a total wreck on Saturday morning. By about 5pm, when I was pretty sure we were going to cover expenses I was feeling a little better. It was really weird to be inside the school for the first time in 14 years.

Christmas is coming soon, I have been starting to think about what gifts to get for people. My brother, sister and I, along with our respective spouses draw for gifts every year. I always get my sister, which really stinks! She is THE HARDEST person to buy for. Over the years, as I have matured I have found that it isn’t the size of the gift you get for someone, it is the thought that goes into it. That may not sound very profound for some people, but it is a marked change from what I used to be like. I used to think the more money I spent on people the more they meant.
I am a little disappointed in what Christmas has become. It isn’t even Halloween yet within a week all the stores will have the Christmas music playing and will be pushing Christmas. To me, Christmastime isn’t about the gifts, but being with family. Both my parents and grandparents and my wife’s parents and grandparent aren’t getting any younger, and we don’t all get together as a whole family very often. Christmas is virtually the only time.

So anyways…. I have written lots, I am off to the gym for a swim (ha – I rhyme!).

I will leave with a quote I saw on the shirt that a teenager was wearing at the gym the other day.
The good you do today
Will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Till we meet again….

It is over.

The dream is done. For 2005 anyway.

My hopes for running in the triathlon are officially over. My knee still is still painful, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I will have to have surgery again, to clean up any cartilige floating around in there.

I am so frustrated. I haven't been able to do any workouts at all for the last 3 weeks. I tried the exercise bike again for a few minutes yesterday. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel right. So I stopped immediately.

So now I wait. My specialist is Dr Luba in Scarborough. He did both my knees the last time (7 yrs ago and 3 yrs ago). Hopefully the tear isn't serious and whatever he thinks I should do I will do asap when I see him in October. Then I will start rehab and get it up to a level where I can enter a tri in 2006.

I got to thinking a while ago why exactly I want to do this anyway. The only thing I can think of is that my whole life I have been overweight. Not obese or anything, just a little more than stocky. About 7 or 8 years ago or so I played a little pickup hockey. Man was that a killer! I was heaving and coughing and chocking. I blamed it on smoking. "I gotta quit smoking man!" I said, totally believing that if I didn't smoke I would have great stamina.

Well 6 years ago I did quit smoking, and believe me - I was out of shape. Smoking may have had something to do with it. But I was terrible!

So maybe my wanting to compete in an event like this is to show myself and the world that I am no longer that out of shape stocky guy. I don't know.

I recall hearing a quote on a television commercial for something or other that said "it isn't the shape you are, it is the shape you are in." Maybe I wanted to prove to myself that I can be a little overweight and still be healthy. Does that make sense? Does anyone else feel that way, or am I this total freak who needs to go on prescription drugs?

take care.... till we meet again...

Bank Mergers

I read an article in the paper today that the topic of Bank mergers is again being discussed.

It has been said that proponents of bank mergers argue that Canadian Financial Institutions need to join in order to compete against the big global banks.

Internationally, this may be true. Mergers may help banks break into the US and overseas market, where legislation in those countries allow for competition. In Canada, however, our financial services oligopoly restricts competition. There are no big global monster companies that compete with domestic banks here in Canada.

Currently we have five major full services banks: Bank of Montreal, TD CanTrust, Scotia, Royal Bank, CIBC. All are extremely profitable. All have high monthly service charges. In my experience all have very poor customer service. The reason - no competition. Our banks know we have to bank somewhere. There are only five choices so there is no incentive for them to compete.

Bank mergers in Canada will result in less competition, higher service charges (gouging), greater profits, and even poorer customer service.

People need more choices. It is time to allow more competition in Canada. Allow American banks to open up shop here, and watch what happens with competition! Fees come down. Service goes up. More money in Canadian's pockets.

The government of Canada has a responsibility to do what is right for Canadian citizens. Allowing Canadian banks to merge may be good for Canadian Banks, but not for the people of Canada!

injury!

So last Friday I started my new morning routine, and went for a bike ride early in the morning – 8 km. That went well, and then I put my bike in the backyard, replaced my helmet with a ball cap and started a jog. My jog itself is only about a half- two thirds of a km (I still have to work on that part of my routine).

So I finish that and go have my shower.

At some point I hurt my knee. I don’t remember when exactly, nor do I know what I did to hurt it, but it hurt like hell! I have been taking Ibuprophen like it was candy this last week, 800 mg every 4 hours. Just yesterday (one week after the incident) did it even start to feel better. I went to my family doctor, who is setting up an appointment with my specialist who has already operated on both knees.

I am starting to doubt whether or not I will be able to take part in my triathlon. I told my GP that if it is just dealing with the pain, I can live with it, but if running will further deteriorate the cartilage I my knee, I will have to do some thinking…..

I am to purchase some new walking shoes. I was at a few stores yesterday and found a really nice pair of Rockports, which seemed really comfortable, but am going to confirm the choice this morning before I commit to $150. As an FYI – the Softmoc warehouse sale over by the Hopkins Street AMC is closing till October at the end of July. Better get there quick to get some good deals!

Later all!

training update

My triathlon is one month away. I am getting a little nervous. Up till just recently (within the last week or so) I have been doing my training in my house on exercise equipment.
Well, I bought a bicycle the other day. Just a second hand mountain bike. I went for a leisurely ride on the Whitby bike trail on Sunday. It was nice. Except for falling once.... but the guy at Bicycles Plus said "everybody falls" - so I don't feel so bad.
I guess I should qualify the fall before everyone thinks I am this total clod....
I put baskets on my pedals for the first time. You have to get used to those before getting special pedals and a shoe that clips into it. Well I was slowing right down to manoeuver between some posts and slowed down to a little too slow. I lost balance and didn't get my foot out of the basket before I feel over. I scrapped up my knee and my elbow, but was fine other than that.
So. The ride was fun. It was about 15-16 kms - leisurely. After I got back I went for a bit of a jog for half a km.
OMIGOD!
I was killing myself! I have been training for over 6 months! How can I be this tired? All these thoughts of failure went through my mind.
I spent Sunday night in pain and ate Ibuprophen like it was candy.
Monday I felt good. Went swimming at the Civic, and did about a kilometre in the pool. Then went home and rode for over 6kms. My legs were like jello, but I felt good.
This morning - the same bike route and then 10 minutes on the elliptical.
So there is my training update.... I am starting to put things together.
I am a little frustrated at my weight issue. I broke the 220 lb barrier many months ago, but cannot get past it. My goal is 200 by the end of the year, but I have been stuck at the same place for 4 months. Oh well.

As for my next entries in my blog here. I haven't been feeling very motivated to write much, as I don't know if anyone is reading. Help me stay motivated to write my life down! Let me know someone is out there! I don't know if I can continue to write to no one....